“I am 25 years old and I’m currently under immense pressure from my
family to get married soon just because I have graduated. They simply
believe that one should marry as soon as he becomes a graduate,” said
Okoduwa Francis.
For an African family, marriage is one of the most fundamental
aspects of social life without which one’s life is regarded to be
‘incomplete’. No matter the level of success or achievement one has
attained in every other sphere of life, without marriage, the opinion of
such a man would rarely count.
Social perceptions may make us believe that women are easier targets
for pressure to get married but men also face similar issues especially
when they are seen to be advancing in age. In fact, men are under as
much pressure as women.
Despite this deep-rooted belief that men are supposed to marry as
soon as possible, it is still very common to see many young and
sometimes, even older men, remain single for quite a while.
“Once people hear that you have graduated or have gotten a job, both
family and friends would start looking for a wife for you, if they
perceive that you are not already making plans,” said Bolaji Opeyemi, a
26-year-old banker.
“For me, absolutely, I see marriage to be a wonderful thing in the
society but aside that, one has to build a career that would complement
him perfectly whenever he decides to eventually marry,” he added.
Orji Nathaniel is a 29-year-old unmarried engineer who has also
decided to pursue another degree for the next four years. At graduation,
he would be 33 years. While speaking with LEADERSHIP Weekend, Nathaniel
narrated not just the pressure he is under to get married but the
untold discrimination from his immediate and extended family members.
“My situation is very pathetic. It has gotten so bad now that my
family now treats me like an outcast because I’m yet to marry. To make
matters worse for me, two of my younger brothers are already married
with children and that has left my family wondering whether I am
responsible enough,” he said.
According to Nathaniel, he is presently not on talking terms with his
mother and most of his aunts because of his desire to further his
education and build a stronger career.
“Even during holidays, I don’t go home because it seems people want
to treat me with disdain and show more respect to my younger ones
because they are married. It often leaves me bitter. While I am happy
for them, it still amazes me that my inability to get married at the
moment has made them feel it is suggestive of me being irresponsible.
But I am not going to let that get in my way. I will get married after
my education,” he promised.
While some young men have decided against early marriage because of
goals and careers, there are others whose decision is influenced by
their current financial status like Odiase Bobby.
“I would love to have been married by now, but honestly, I don’t have
the financial capability to meet up with the demanding challenges that
come with marriage. You have to pay bride price, move into a bigger
house, raise kids, among many other things. I can’t afford all that
right now because I don’t have a good job,” said Bobby.
As far as marriage is concerned, it is a thing that must be on the
back burner for some men for a longer time. For Okey Patrick, his
reasons for remaining unmarried are quite unlike any other’s who have
spoken with LEADERSHIP Weekend.
“I see marriage as a lifetime commitment. For that reason, I don’t
feel the need to rush into it anytime soon. I honestly want to enjoy my
life as a single man for the meantime. When one gets married, he can not
socialise as he would love to.”
As much as Patrick’s excuse is very bold, it is also interesting,
considering that he is already 39 years old. That totally leaves one
wondering how disappointed his family would feel now.
As for 31-year-old Zakari Thaddeus, he is still unmarried because he just hasn’t found the ‘right’ woman yet.
“From my conversation with young people, especially the single ones,
what is clear to me is that many of them are not married not because
they consider marriage to be bad but because they, like every other
person, have their line of priorities which they want to follow
accordingly,” said Afam Stephen, a pastor and marriage counselor.
But according to Pastor Stephen, marriage is also very important and
can be an opening for greater things in the life of a person.
“Sometimes people tell me that they can’t get married because they
are poor or something like that. I always encourage them because
sometimes marriage can lead to open doors and more blessings. One can
not wait until he is very rich before he gets married. Besides, no one
can ever be satisfied enough with riches,” he said.
Nike Ademola is a 60-year- old mother of four, whose last child and only son is preparing to get married.
“I have been pestering him to get married for sometime now. But I am
now very happy that he has finally made up his mind. I encourage young
people to marry on time because it is the responsible thing to do. It
helps them settle down quickly and have a good plan for their lives.
When you marry early enough, you will be able to raise your children
efficiently before you become very old. I married at 19 and I don’t have
any regrets about it at all. But children these days are very
different. They want to get everything on earth before getting married,”
she said.
Unlike Mama Nike Ademola, Dr Onoja Grace would rather advise young people to marry at whatever time they feel is best for them.
“Marriage is an institution on its own; it is not for immature minds
who are not prepared for the challenges. Nobody suffers a bad marriage
than the couples themselves. The way of life in the olden days can not
be compared with now. Things have really evolved overtime. Marriage
should come naturally and it should be a matter of choice, not
pressure,” she advised.
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